Can you guess what these people they have in common?

*A Chief Information Officer who just immigrated to the United States

*A female partner who was recently named managing director at a prestigious law firm

*An African American first year medical student

All are highly intelligent. All are objectively successful in their chosen career paths. And yet, each one struggles with “Imposter Syndrome”.

Imposter Syndrome is the fear of being found out as a fraud, that an individual isn’t as competent as others think they are. According to the International Journal of Behavioral Sciences, most of us (70 %) experience this feeling at some point in our lives. But when this feeling becomes a chronic condition, it causes us to take fewer risks, prepare excessively, and even become paralyzed – unable to complete important tasks. Imposter Syndrome creates a self-fulfilling loop of never feeling good enough.

If feeling like a fraud is challenging your own sense of self-worth, here are three strategies that you can use right way:

1)    Brain Dump of Accomplishments

Make a list of all your accomplishments. Write everything down – it all counts. You don’t have to be perfect at it, get an “A”, or win a prize. If you accomplished it, even if you had some help or the competition wasn’t that strong, it goes on the list. Every accomplishment that comes to mind, big or small – goes on that list.

Some folks struggle with this exercise, particularly if they are focused on their shortcomings, so we suggest they get a friend who knows them well to help them complete it. This exercise can shift your mindset from focusing on the idea that you do not measure up, to focusing on all things you have accomplished. Shifting our attention to our hard earned successes is one way to turn down the volume of feeling like a fraud.

2)   Choose a GROWTH mindset

When we are stuck in imposter mode, we are operating with a Fixed mindset. This means that we think in black and white terms. “ I’m either good at it or not.” Or “I am either the smartest or I’m not smart”. A Growth mindset allows us to see possibility. “I can learn anything I put my mind too.” In imposter mode, we have an intense desire to to appear smart, so our fixed mindset causes us to avoid challenges and give up when presented with an obstacle  With a growth mindset, we seek out challenges, view obstacles at temporary setbacks, and see learning as a human process we all go through. The good news is that we can intentionally and consciously choose a growth mindset. The trick is to first notice that we are stuck in a fixed mindset, so we can move to our growth mindset. Notice when you are thinking in absolutes, i.e. “I will never be able to sing well” and switch to “I can’t sing well YET”. The word “Yet” directly connects us to our Growth mindset.

3)    You Belong Here

Hidden beneath our imposter syndrome is the idea that we don’t belong. And if we are a member of a minority group, for example, a woman in a male dominated field such as law or an African American in a primarily white medical school, this feeling of “not belonging” is exacerbated. We look around, and we do not see people who look like us. Researchers Watson and Cohn studied feelings of “belonging” with 92 African Americans in their first year of college. They split the students into two groups. The experimental group read an essay on belonging, then wrote their own essay describing their journey of belonging, including why they felt that they belonged at their college now. The control group read information on extracurricular activities. Over their four years in college, students in the belonging group had dramatically increased their GPA compared to the students in the control.  When we feel like we belong, we perform better. So try this yourself: write your own essay of belonging. Trace your journey, your ups and downs and conclude with why you feel you belong now. Let all the evidence that you belong here sink in.

Imposter Syndrome prevents us from performing at our highest potential. Give these strategies a try because you deserve to feel good about what you have accomplished and look forward to tackling new challenges.

Resources

Clance, P.R., & Imes, S.A. (1978). The Impostor Phenomenon in High Achieving Women: Dynamics and Therapeutic Interventions. Psychotherapy: Theory Research and Practice, 15, 241247

Jaruwan Sakulku, J., and Alexander, J. (2011). The Impostor Phenomenon. International Journal of Behavioral Science, 6(1), 73-92.

G. M. Walton, G. L. Cohen, A brief social-belonging intervention improves academic and health outcomes of minority students. Science 331, 1447–1451 (2011).

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Like many of us, it is an understatement to say that I was surprised by the results of our last presidential election.  In fact, I was heartsick.

I was not mentally prepared for the immediate psychological toll of shock and grief – which eventually morphed into anger. The shock of the 2016 election results sent me reeling for quite a few weeks before I could find my bearings and channel my fury into positive action.

This time, I want to be prepared for whatever the outcome, and I am tapping into a few psychological strategies to help me through.

Active Optimism –  Psychological research on resilience tells us that although we may experience a catastrophic outcome, we can bounce back more quickly if we envision a positive future (optimism) AND believe we have the capability to act on our own behalf.

You can do this too.

After the election on November 3rd, in the spirit of active optimism, I plan to attend a training to help more women get elected to public office.  Can you imagine a positive outcome or event that you can engage in immediately following the election and envision yourself participating in that event?

Adopt The Longview – One strategy that has calmed me down when I have done too much “doomscrolling” is to remember that this is a moment in time.  We have had over 200 years of a democracy that has progressively become more just and inclusive. We survived the presidency of James Buchanen who fueled the intense polarization which led to the Civil War, and the prolific corruption of Warren Harding.  If you can focus on a long view and hold on to a historical perspective, you may be able to view this current situation as a moment in time, and hopefully –this too shall pass.

Find Your People– After the 2016 election, I found comfort and solace connecting with people who shared my grief and anger. Isolation can increase our sense of despair and pessimism.  Research has shown that when we are pessimistic, we perceive that stressors are more unmanageable and problems are more difficult to solve. Isolation and pessimism lowers our resilience.  So, I am making a plan to connect with my tribe – those people who tend to share my experience. Consider doing the same. Sharing our experience helps us process our collective pain so that we can channel our emotions into action. And, taking action (even something very small) helps us feel more in control.

With 7 days to go, there is still plenty of time to mentally prepare for the outcome of the election- in between phone banking, texting and volunteering at the polls of course!

The post Preparing for Election Results – 3 Psychological Strategies To Get You Through The Outcome Of The Election appeared first on DKS Consulting Group.

If you are a senior leader in an organization, not only are you faced with the serious health concerns for yourself and your family, but you are responsible for the safety and health of your workforce. That alone is a huge stressor.  Added to that is a crisis level of uncertainty. You may not know how your supply chains will be impacted short or long term, you may be struggling with resource needs because you cannot assess demand, you may even be seriously concerned about whether your business can survive for another week or month.

And the pressure builds as each week goes by because we do not know how long this will last.

As a leader, you try to appear calm, confident and in control. Your survival instinct may have you gritting your teeth, ignoring the stress, and trying to power through. This may work for the short term, but it is a recipe for burnout and health issues in the long term.   As the weeks go on, things get tougher rather than easier, and this uniquely stressful time is taking its toll.

How do we know when we are experiencing more stress than we can safely handle?  Here’s how we know…

Many of us are experiencing sleepless nights.

We might be drinking more than is normal for us

We have become more irritable and quick to anger.

We might be having a more difficult time focusing on projects and tasks.

Or we are just plain exhausted.

These are common responses to unremitting stress over things we cannot control. As psychologists, we know that long term, unremitting stress is toxic to our physical and mental health.  We want to help, and so we are sharing a stress management strategy that may enable you to navigate better through this unchartered territory.

When fear and pressure build, it affects everything- especially our ability to work.  We want to share with you a technique to inoculate you from the buildup of stress and enable you to increase your ability to cope.  Just as a vaccine may inoculate us from the disease effects of a virus, a stress inoculation technique will help prevent the disease effects of stress.

Stress inoculation strategies that soothe our brain and allow us to access more of our cognitive capacity are surprisingly counterintuitive.   Again, think about how a vaccine works.  A vaccine works by putting dormant particles of a virus into your system, which enable the body to develop antibodies to protect against infection.  Similarly, a stress inoculation works by directing our attention to a small, manageable amount of a stressor, which give our brains and bodies a chance to manage it.  In this way, we develop cognitive antibodies to the stressor.

The following is a simple stress inoculation exercise that you can do on your own.

Step 1.  Write down IN DETAIL one specific stressor you are experiencing right now and identify exactly where are you experiencing this stressor in your body.

For example, I am feeling stressed about having to furlough our office administrators – especially MY office administrator. I feel this stress in the pit of my stomach. It feels like mild heartburn, but lower down around my hip bones.

Step 2.  Write a second sentence, using the template below, that connects the stressor with a personal positive belief and focuses on your strengths.

Template: “Even though I am experiencing this (name the stressor) in my (name where it is located in body), I choose to believe (name a positive belief and/or personal strength)

 Here is an example:

Even though I am experiencing this furlough stress in my stomach, I choose to believe that things will work out and that I am resilient and strong.

 Step 3. The final step pairs this new positive sentence with a simple physical action.  This pairing of the new idea with a physical component, is both soothing to our limbic system and allows our brain to imprint the new idea in a deeper way.  The simple physical action that we recommend is to place your left hand over the part of your body that is feeling the stress, and gently tap with your right hand on your left hand at the spot between your pinky and ring finger.

Let us take you through Step 3:

While placing your left hand on your stomach and tapping the spot on your hand between your pinky and ring finger, repeat the following sentence “Even though I am experiencing this furlough stress, I choose to believe that things will work out and that I am resilient and strong”

 We recommend that you repeat this technique for a minimum of 3-5 times.  Taking a deep full breath between each repetition.

This stress inoculation technique allows us to acknowledge that the stressor is real, while at the same time connecting that challenge with strengths that we possess.  With practice, our brain learns to imprint the new cognitive reframe, and we begin to notice that we are able to turn down the volume on our stress response.

This is just one of many useful stress reduction techniques that we share with our clients and use ourselves as we navigate our way through this incredibly challenging time that all of us our experiencing together.

Sharon O’Connor, Ed.D. and Dale Sokoloff, Psy.D.

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We get calls from managers about this all the time.

A high performer in the company is behaving badly, and you have tried every technique in your management tool kit (and then some) to reign him in. Nothing seems to work.  Typically, this guy is critical to the success of the company, and you don’t want to fire him. But, his out of line, tasteless, and sometimes rude behavior ends up poisoning every meeting he attends and causes other employees to complain.

Although we are pulled in to work with this guy and change his behavior, we have found that an important part of our work includes empowering the managers with strategies that make a difference in working with difficult employees.

Here are 3 strategies:

1)  Figure out what you can control – You can not control your employees’ behavior.  Telling someone to stop behaving in a certain way, having long conversations explaining why he needs to stop the behavior, and threatening him to stop, does not work to change behavior.

All of us have a tendency to do this. We try to explain, cajole, beg, coerce and threaten to get someone stop what they are doing.  But the reality is – you cannot control someone else’s behavior.

Here is the good news.

You DO have control over your OWN behavior.

When your employee makes a rude comment about what you are wearing such as “your skirt looks too tight around your butt”, you have the control to immediately stop the conversation and tell the employee that that is an inappropriate comment. You also can tell him that you will not accept any comments about clothing or body parts.  When your employee insults people in a meeting, you have the power to end the meeting or ask the employee to leave. When you see him in the hall acting rude to others, you have the power to send him home until he can act civilly. Your own behavior is in your control. We help managers anticipate and think through scenarios, identify what they can control, and plan in advance how they will respond. This is a powerful management strategy.

2) Set Clear, Specific Boundaries – You have the authority to clearly, specifically and consistently define what behavior is okay and what is not in the workplace. You also have the authority to establish consequences when behavior is inappropriate.

In fact, an effective manager will communicate what behavior is acceptable and what is expected of the employee in a clear and specific way. She must then consistently reinforce what is expected, and follow through with consequences when behavior is inappropriate.  For example, you can establish a norm that in your meetings, no one will interrupt someone who is speaking. Each person will wait her turn to speak so everyone will get an opportunity to be heard.  If someone interrupts, you can stop the meeting, ask the person to stop interrupting, and make sure to let the other person finish. If the interrupting continues, you can ask the person to leave the meeting. This needs to be clear and consistent to change the behavior.

3) Reward New Behavior – It is essential to notice even the smallest change in behavior and reward it. Sometimes you need to dig deep to find an improvement, but when you do, make sure you tell the employee that he is doing a good job doing, and try to be as specific as you can. For example, “I really appreciate the way you responded to Amy’s idea in the meeting. That was very respectful and encouraging.” This kind of positive reinforcement goes a long way to promote long lasting behavioral change.

Managers often feel helpless when faced with difficult employee behavior. This is really hard, but we want you to know that you have more power in you think.

The post My Rock Star Employee Keeps Saying Inappropriate Things And I Can Not Get. Him. To. Stop. appeared first on DKS Consulting Group.

Our brains are funny.

We intentionally set a new goal – for example to exercise every day – no matter what.  We WANT to exercise.  We NEED to exercise. We paid good money to buy really good running shoes.   And a cool athletic jacket.  But, instead of putting on the shoes and hustling ourselves out the door, our brains say to us, “Oh hey, it’s 7pm! Isn’t that the time you usually watch TV? I think there is a new season of Homeland on Netflix.  And what about that pile of laundry? You can fold that while you watch TV.  And just like that, our new goal to exercise doesn’t happen. And then it continues to not happen for the next four months.

We see this same phenomenon with the leaders that we coach. A manager of a luxury hotel set a goal to give her staff more positive feedback. On the morning the first day, she noticed the clean entryway and told the head of housekeeping. Then, she noticed how pleasant the front desk staff greeted guests, and she told them.  But, by the afternoon, she had a difficult meeting, and she forgot all about her new goal.  On the second day, the sprinklers went off and soaked the lobby, and she forgot to give any positive feedback again.  On the third day, there was an unexpected influx of new customers … and the positive feedback again did not happen.

Consciously, we say we want to do a new thing. But without realizing it (subconsciously), our brains toss up roadblocks. That thing we absolutely want and need to do – Does. Not. Happen.

What exactly is going on here?

One reason it is so difficult to start something new is because our subconscious patterns and old mental habits are running the show. And the kicker? Our brains like our old mental habits. They are comfortable, do not require much effort, and might have even been useful at one point.  These old subconscious neurological connections formed by repetition over time, act like a default setting which nudges us in the direction of doing what we have always done. So, how do you actually do that?

Number 1: Let’s get this out of the way up front – CHANGING AN OLD MENTAL HABIT IS NOT EASY. There is no quick fix.  THIS IS going to take focused effort on your part. But if you have read this far, we know that you are tired of your same old ineffective way of doing things.  And guess what?  You can do hard things AND we have strategies to share that will make it easier.

Number 2: You CAN ABSOLUTELY CHANGE old mental habits and create new ways of operating that move you forward.   We have developed five actionable steps, adapted from the latest research on implicit bias*. Take these one at a time.

Let’s UNPACK it

Step 1: Detect – notice when the old mental habit arises with curiosity and without judgement

What was the idea?

What environmental elements were in play?

Time of day?

Physical location?

Who was involved?

Was I hungry? Tired?

What was going on when this old mental habit came to mind?

Step 2: Reflect – consider the source of this idea

What assumption am I making?

Is it true?

How can I test this assumption?

How could this assumption have been formed?

Is there a pattern here?

Step 3: Reject –  Reject the thought and replace it with one that is useful

What new thought would serve me here?

What is a new thought is more accurate and based on facts not assumptions?

Step 4: Reward – Rewarding positive new behaviors strengthens their neurological connections.

What is an encouraging phrase that can tell your brain “Good Job!”

What else would work as a reward to strengthen this behavior?

Step 5: Repeat – for 21 days.  It takes approximately 21 days to install a new habit.  Three weeks

What strategy can I put in place to remember to do this?

You can do it!

And If you are tired of riding the “set a goal/fall off track” carousel, and would like support to speed up the process of achieving your important goals, please contact. We are here to help.

*https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3603687

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One employee’s toxic behavior can affect the performance of an entire team.  Recent research on team effectiveness has found that the single most important factor influencing high performing teams and the lowest performing teams is the quality of colleague relationships. If relationships on the team are strong, supportive and collaborative, you will more likely have high performing teams.  If one or more people on the team is behaving in toxic ways, you will more likely have a lower performing team.

And if you are the one responsible for managing one or more of these employees who are behaving badly, it can be incredibly frustrating.

Let’s back up a minute and define what we mean by toxic.  Here are some telltale behaviors:

They create drama, gossiping, starting rumors or back stabbing team members.

They hoard information, preventing other team members from executing.

They blame others when problems emerge, often exploding in temper tantrums.

They put their personal goals ahead of the team goals.

They take credit for work that others have done.

If you are managing an employee who is frequently displaying these types of behaviors you MUST do this thing first – Acknowledge that this is happening.

The most frequent mistake that we see managers make is that they ignore toxic behavior and assume that it is a temporary situation that will go away.  The opposite is true.  What actually happens is that the team member’s toxic behavior infects others and eventually tears apart the cohesion of the entire team.

Once you acknowledge that this is happening, the second step is to have an honest conversation about what behavior is expected on the team, what behavior will not be tolerated and what the consequences will be if it continues.  Often times, we are called in to help facilitate this conversation and then to work with the employees individually or in small groups.  More often than not, the badly behaving team member is critical to the functioning of the team, and cannot be easily replaced or fired.  We work with these individuals so that they can learn to turn their behavior around and function in ways that benefits the whole team.

If you are looking to do a deeper dive into the research on toxic behavior and teams, check out

The Loyalist Team: How Trust, Candor, and Authenticity Create Great Organizations by Audrey Epstein, Linda Adams, and Rebecca Teasdale.

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As the Kavanaugh hearings played out, it was clear that Dr. Christine Blasey Ford’s voice was ignored.

So many women we work with express the frustration that their voice is ignored as well, not in a political forum but in the workplace. They’ve put in the hours, earned the credentials, put on the uniform, taken on extra projects, risen up through the ranks. And yet, in meetings they are talked over, their time for presentations is cut in half, their projects get fewer resources, their ideas are stolen. And when they speak up about the inequity, they are marginalized.

None of this is new.

The lack of respect toward women’s voices that we heard surrounding the Kavanaugh hearings is played out in the workplace every day. And unfortunately, by the time many women come to us, they are at a point where they have internalized the messages from these disrespectful environments. Instead of laying the blame on those who are being disrespectful, they tell us that they feel like they have done something wrong or that they feel “crazy”.

We strategize with women in the workplace and empower them to find ways to have their voice be heard.

One strategy to begin with is to form an alliance. This can be with a man or a woman. You work together and support one another in meetings and behind the scenes. That means when your ally is talked over in a meeting, you can speak up and say, “Michelle was just saying something, and I want to hear the rest of her sentence.” Or, “That is a great point; Michelle made that same point earlier in the meeting.“ You can give credit to your ally on social media, company blogs, in conversation, and at meetings. You have her back, and she has yours.

Your voice is valuable and you need to be heard.

*(credit to San Francisco-based artist John Mavroudis for Time cover art)

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Research now shows what we intuitively know to be true – that effective management is closely related to emotional intelligence (EQ). In fact, when one researcher evaluated the emotional intelligence of hundreds of people at work, he found that 90% of the top performers rated high in emotional intelligence.

Emotionally intelligent leadership has been shown to reduce turnover, create more effective work teams, improve organizational culture, foster creative problem solving and even help employees accept change.

And the best news is, that managers can improve their EQ by putting into practice some simple strategies that we share with all our executive coaching clients.

But let’s take a step back for a moment.

What exactly is Emotional Intelligence?

According to Peter Salovey from Yale University and John D. Mayer from the University of New Hampshire, EQ is the “ability to monitor one’s own and others’ feelings and emotions, to discriminate among them and use this information to guide one’s thinking and actions”.

Specifically, people with a high EQ are able to defer immediate gratification and exhibit self-control in order to improve their chances for long term success,
participate in activities that are good for themselves and serve a greater good of the team or organization, express their emotions appropriately, and adjust to each situation.

Here are some simple strategies to help your managers boost their emotional intelligence at work:

Look For The Positive –

This is probably the most important strategy for improving EQ. Human beings are naturally wired to look for the negative, scan for what is missing, and focus on what is wrong. The problem is this type of thinking can limit our ability to connect with people and motivate team members. We encourage managers to get into the habit of noticing the positive and using positive language when interacting with their team members. This mental shift can be strengthened with practice and can have an enormous impact on the manager’s effectiveness.

Consider another Explanation-

When managers with low EQ, get into a conflict, they often blame the other person for being difficult. Instead, we teach them to pause and ask themselves, “Is there another explanation for this conflict?” This strategy does two things. It unlocks their mind from the black and white “me vs. them” position and it opens the door to thinking about other reasons why the conflict exists. Asking “Is there another explanation?” is an effective EQ strategy that managers can learn quickly, and see immediate results.

Develop a Gratitude Attitude –

The ability to tell someone that you appreciate their contribution is a critical EQ skill for all managers. We help managers develop an “Attitude of Gratitude” habit by encouraging them to say “Thank You for doing such a great job” at least 5 times a day. This simple behavioral shift can engage employees in ways that other rewards cannot. Social recognition is a currency that all managers have access to, but we have found that only the managers with a high EQ truly take advantage of this valuable motivational strategy.

Your managers CAN increase their emotional intelligence and in turn create a positive work environment where people thrive, perform, and like coming to work each day.

The post Help Your Managers Develop Their EQ to Create More Effective Teams appeared first on DKS Consulting Group.

If you haven’t done sexual harassment training in your office yet, do it now. All your employees need to understand what behavior is appropriate in the workplace, and what isn’t. Training about what is sexual harassment and what are the clear expectations for behavior is an important start.

But, if you really want to create an office culture where everyone works hard and feels respected and included, it takes something more.

It takes a commitment to examining your company’s culture and the day-to-day behavior of your team, then intentionally making changes. We know this can be done because we have done it. You CAN create a fun, creative, engaged culture- where people are inspired to bring their best, most productive selves to work because everyone feels good being there.

Recently, we were pulled into a very fast growing biotech firm where a few of the high performers were “behaving badly”. This is a very common scenario. The company had started out as a small group of excited founders. But now, it was much larger with multiple offices of diverse employees, many of whom were not particularly comfortable with the touching, swearing, and circulating jokes and memes around the office. We (our lawyer and psychologist team) were tasked with trying to change the behavior of the employees who were accused of crossing the line. What we quickly learned, however, was that this behavior was pervasive in the organization.

Instead of the punitive, “you guys are bad” approach, we took a different tact. We believe that people and organizations change most easily when they start from a place of strength and competence. So, when working with the employees at this company, we began with these questions:

What are your greatest strengths and what strengths already exist in your organization that you can build upon to change behavior?

When addressing sexual harassment, organizations have a tendency to focus on all the negatives and all the ways the individuals needs to change. This is a normal reaction but not effective. We helped these employees and the leaders of this company take a step back, and FIRST get very clear on all the ways that they are strong. It was from this foundation of strength that they were able to change behavior and make changes internally to shift their organization forward.

Next we asked, what is the culture you have here and what is the behavior you want?

We have seen several organizations struggle with this because the culture just evolves from when they were a small group of excited founders behaving in ways that became the norm. Now, people find the behavior offensive, and in fact, it may give rise to legal action. We worked with the biotech firm to first identify the culture they had in place, and to help them clearly identify the elements of a stronger, more inclusive, and more productive culture. Then we helped them create an action plan to get there.

Finally, we asked what does “respectful behavior” really look like?

It is essential that everyone in your office understand what this means in the most concrete ways. We suggested ways that could reward the behaviors they wanted to encourage. We worked with the employees who were “behaving badly” in this firm to get crystal clear and very specific about what behaviors were in fact respectful in the workplace, what behaviors were no longer going to be tolerated, as well as making sure they understood the consequences for exhibiting behavior that did not meet that standard. This required a series of coaching sessions to really shift behavior.

Sexual harassment training and behavior change consulting are not just about being politically correct or checking the box from your outside counsel. Research shows that people are more productive at work when they truly feel respected, comfortable and empowered. Do not assume that people are happy with the culture and the behavior in your office just because they don’t say anything or smile along. This is where your company is exposed. Be thoughtful and intentional about creating a place that is creative, fun, close-knit, and respectful too.

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To many of us, what is most shocking about the recent events involving Matt Lauer, Charlie Rose, Kevin Spacey, Harvey Weinstein, Bill Reilly is not the pervasive sexual harassment that has occurred for years and been ignored. But rather the abrupt shift in perception that this behavior is unacceptable, inappropriate and will not be tolerated in the workplace. That the most powerful people in their industries will be held accountable- even fired- for sexual harassment and sexual assault. So, how do you as business leaders respond to this new climate of accountability? ​

We think there is a lot to learn from our time spent in Kindergarten.

My kindergarten teacher, Mrs. Winning (yes that was her real name) was a white headed little peach of a woman who smelled like Ponds Cold Cream and could belt out a rousing rendition of “I’ve Been Working On The Railroad”. She also ran a very tight ship. What I remember most about this experience is that I felt safe, part of a nice group of kids, and excited to learn.

Kindergarten classroom rules and culture can be applied to your organization to foster a safe and respectful workplace environment where sexual harassment is not tolerated.

1) Keep Your Hands To Yourself – (and your penis in your pants)

Mrs. Winning had clear rules and everyone was expected to know and follow them. Kindergarten teachers spend most of September teaching their students the rules. “Line up against the wall without pushing before going out to recess”, “Ask permission before you take something that doesn’t belong to you”, and “keep your hands to yourselves”. These rules were clearly stated and repeated over and over and over so that everyone understood what was expected in the classroom.

Often times, rules of behavior in the workplace are not stated clearly and organizations can run into trouble. The difference between sexual harassment and “just being friendly” might be confusing to some, so clearly stated rules of behavior and sexual harassment trainings can help. For example, some excellent rules for the workplace include “no touching another person’s body”, ”no sharing photos of your genitals”, “no comments about anyone’s bodies”, “no questions about people’s sex lives.” It will take repetition, but keep at it. And here is really good news. If 5 year olds can learn to keep their hands to themselves, so can your people.

2) Stickers and The Time Out Chair

Mrs. Winning had clear consequences if you broke the rules and clear rewards if you followed them. I once spent an entire recess in the Time Out Chair because I pushed Jenny out of the way of my block tower. I also remember getting stickers for helping to clean the desks and sharing my snack.

As leaders, you need to hold people accountable with immediate consequences when they break the rules and recognize them for doing well. Most organizations do a good job defining the rules. but they fail to consistently hold people accountable. This results in a corrosive and chaotic workplace culture where rules do not hold any weight.

3) Be Respectful to Everyone

Our kindergarten classroom was a kind community where people respected one another. “Be Respectful” was non-negotiable rule, and Mrs. Winning enforced it with vigor. What is amazing is that we began kindergarten pushing, grabbing, and yelling, and by October, she had us raising our hand, using our words, and waiting our turn. There were strict rules of conduct, and we adored her.

As leaders in your company, you can decide to create a positive place where people behave in civil respectful ways. But it takes an intentional commitment on your part and requires consistent effort. One step you can take immediately is require sexual harassment training for all of your employees. Training is an essential way for your employees to learn the expectations, rules, and consequences in your company. It is not enough for you to be good guy or gal and respectful toward your colleagues. As a business leader, it is your responsibility to create a culture where all employees feel safe.

Contact DKS partner Karen Hoffman, J.D. (karen@dksconsultingroup.com) to learn more about DKS workplace trainings, sexual harassment investigations, and MCAD and EEOC procedures.

The post Keep It In Your Pants and Your Hands to Yourself: Advice From Your Kindergarten Teacher on Creating a Respectful, Zero Tolerance Workplace Culture appeared first on DKS Consulting Group.