Can you guess what these people they have in common?

*A Chief Information Officer who just immigrated to the United States

*A female partner who was recently named managing director at a prestigious law firm

*An African American first year medical student

All are highly intelligent. All are objectively successful in their chosen career paths. And yet, each one struggles with “Imposter Syndrome”.

Imposter Syndrome is the fear of being found out as a fraud, that an individual isn’t as competent as others think they are. According to the International Journal of Behavioral Sciences, most of us (70 %) experience this feeling at some point in our lives. But when this feeling becomes a chronic condition, it causes us to take fewer risks, prepare excessively, and even become paralyzed – unable to complete important tasks. Imposter Syndrome creates a self-fulfilling loop of never feeling good enough.

If feeling like a fraud is challenging your own sense of self-worth, here are three strategies that you can use right way:

1)    Brain Dump of Accomplishments

Make a list of all your accomplishments. Write everything down – it all counts. You don’t have to be perfect at it, get an “A”, or win a prize. If you accomplished it, even if you had some help or the competition wasn’t that strong, it goes on the list. Every accomplishment that comes to mind, big or small – goes on that list.

Some folks struggle with this exercise, particularly if they are focused on their shortcomings, so we suggest they get a friend who knows them well to help them complete it. This exercise can shift your mindset from focusing on the idea that you do not measure up, to focusing on all things you have accomplished. Shifting our attention to our hard earned successes is one way to turn down the volume of feeling like a fraud.

2)   Choose a GROWTH mindset

When we are stuck in imposter mode, we are operating with a Fixed mindset. This means that we think in black and white terms. “ I’m either good at it or not.” Or “I am either the smartest or I’m not smart”. A Growth mindset allows us to see possibility. “I can learn anything I put my mind too.” In imposter mode, we have an intense desire to to appear smart, so our fixed mindset causes us to avoid challenges and give up when presented with an obstacle  With a growth mindset, we seek out challenges, view obstacles at temporary setbacks, and see learning as a human process we all go through. The good news is that we can intentionally and consciously choose a growth mindset. The trick is to first notice that we are stuck in a fixed mindset, so we can move to our growth mindset. Notice when you are thinking in absolutes, i.e. “I will never be able to sing well” and switch to “I can’t sing well YET”. The word “Yet” directly connects us to our Growth mindset.

3)    You Belong Here

Hidden beneath our imposter syndrome is the idea that we don’t belong. And if we are a member of a minority group, for example, a woman in a male dominated field such as law or an African American in a primarily white medical school, this feeling of “not belonging” is exacerbated. We look around, and we do not see people who look like us. Researchers Watson and Cohn studied feelings of “belonging” with 92 African Americans in their first year of college. They split the students into two groups. The experimental group read an essay on belonging, then wrote their own essay describing their journey of belonging, including why they felt that they belonged at their college now. The control group read information on extracurricular activities. Over their four years in college, students in the belonging group had dramatically increased their GPA compared to the students in the control.  When we feel like we belong, we perform better. So try this yourself: write your own essay of belonging. Trace your journey, your ups and downs and conclude with why you feel you belong now. Let all the evidence that you belong here sink in.

Imposter Syndrome prevents us from performing at our highest potential. Give these strategies a try because you deserve to feel good about what you have accomplished and look forward to tackling new challenges.

Resources

Clance, P.R., & Imes, S.A. (1978). The Impostor Phenomenon in High Achieving Women: Dynamics and Therapeutic Interventions. Psychotherapy: Theory Research and Practice, 15, 241247

Jaruwan Sakulku, J., and Alexander, J. (2011). The Impostor Phenomenon. International Journal of Behavioral Science, 6(1), 73-92.

G. M. Walton, G. L. Cohen, A brief social-belonging intervention improves academic and health outcomes of minority students. Science 331, 1447–1451 (2011).

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If you are a senior leader in an organization, not only are you faced with the serious health concerns for yourself and your family, but you are responsible for the safety and health of your workforce. That alone is a huge stressor.  Added to that is a crisis level of uncertainty. You may not know how your supply chains will be impacted short or long term, you may be struggling with resource needs because you cannot assess demand, you may even be seriously concerned about whether your business can survive for another week or month.

And the pressure builds as each week goes by because we do not know how long this will last.

As a leader, you try to appear calm, confident and in control. Your survival instinct may have you gritting your teeth, ignoring the stress, and trying to power through. This may work for the short term, but it is a recipe for burnout and health issues in the long term.   As the weeks go on, things get tougher rather than easier, and this uniquely stressful time is taking its toll.

How do we know when we are experiencing more stress than we can safely handle?  Here’s how we know…

Many of us are experiencing sleepless nights.

We might be drinking more than is normal for us

We have become more irritable and quick to anger.

We might be having a more difficult time focusing on projects and tasks.

Or we are just plain exhausted.

These are common responses to unremitting stress over things we cannot control. As psychologists, we know that long term, unremitting stress is toxic to our physical and mental health.  We want to help, and so we are sharing a stress management strategy that may enable you to navigate better through this unchartered territory.

When fear and pressure build, it affects everything- especially our ability to work.  We want to share with you a technique to inoculate you from the buildup of stress and enable you to increase your ability to cope.  Just as a vaccine may inoculate us from the disease effects of a virus, a stress inoculation technique will help prevent the disease effects of stress.

Stress inoculation strategies that soothe our brain and allow us to access more of our cognitive capacity are surprisingly counterintuitive.   Again, think about how a vaccine works.  A vaccine works by putting dormant particles of a virus into your system, which enable the body to develop antibodies to protect against infection.  Similarly, a stress inoculation works by directing our attention to a small, manageable amount of a stressor, which give our brains and bodies a chance to manage it.  In this way, we develop cognitive antibodies to the stressor.

The following is a simple stress inoculation exercise that you can do on your own.

Step 1.  Write down IN DETAIL one specific stressor you are experiencing right now and identify exactly where are you experiencing this stressor in your body.

For example, I am feeling stressed about having to furlough our office administrators – especially MY office administrator. I feel this stress in the pit of my stomach. It feels like mild heartburn, but lower down around my hip bones.

Step 2.  Write a second sentence, using the template below, that connects the stressor with a personal positive belief and focuses on your strengths.

Template: “Even though I am experiencing this (name the stressor) in my (name where it is located in body), I choose to believe (name a positive belief and/or personal strength)

 Here is an example:

Even though I am experiencing this furlough stress in my stomach, I choose to believe that things will work out and that I am resilient and strong.

 Step 3. The final step pairs this new positive sentence with a simple physical action.  This pairing of the new idea with a physical component, is both soothing to our limbic system and allows our brain to imprint the new idea in a deeper way.  The simple physical action that we recommend is to place your left hand over the part of your body that is feeling the stress, and gently tap with your right hand on your left hand at the spot between your pinky and ring finger.

Let us take you through Step 3:

While placing your left hand on your stomach and tapping the spot on your hand between your pinky and ring finger, repeat the following sentence “Even though I am experiencing this furlough stress, I choose to believe that things will work out and that I am resilient and strong”

 We recommend that you repeat this technique for a minimum of 3-5 times.  Taking a deep full breath between each repetition.

This stress inoculation technique allows us to acknowledge that the stressor is real, while at the same time connecting that challenge with strengths that we possess.  With practice, our brain learns to imprint the new cognitive reframe, and we begin to notice that we are able to turn down the volume on our stress response.

This is just one of many useful stress reduction techniques that we share with our clients and use ourselves as we navigate our way through this incredibly challenging time that all of us our experiencing together.

Sharon O’Connor, Ed.D. and Dale Sokoloff, Psy.D.

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Our brains are funny.

We intentionally set a new goal – for example to exercise every day – no matter what.  We WANT to exercise.  We NEED to exercise. We paid good money to buy really good running shoes.   And a cool athletic jacket.  But, instead of putting on the shoes and hustling ourselves out the door, our brains say to us, “Oh hey, it’s 7pm! Isn’t that the time you usually watch TV? I think there is a new season of Homeland on Netflix.  And what about that pile of laundry? You can fold that while you watch TV.  And just like that, our new goal to exercise doesn’t happen. And then it continues to not happen for the next four months.

We see this same phenomenon with the leaders that we coach. A manager of a luxury hotel set a goal to give her staff more positive feedback. On the morning the first day, she noticed the clean entryway and told the head of housekeeping. Then, she noticed how pleasant the front desk staff greeted guests, and she told them.  But, by the afternoon, she had a difficult meeting, and she forgot all about her new goal.  On the second day, the sprinklers went off and soaked the lobby, and she forgot to give any positive feedback again.  On the third day, there was an unexpected influx of new customers … and the positive feedback again did not happen.

Consciously, we say we want to do a new thing. But without realizing it (subconsciously), our brains toss up roadblocks. That thing we absolutely want and need to do – Does. Not. Happen.

What exactly is going on here?

One reason it is so difficult to start something new is because our subconscious patterns and old mental habits are running the show. And the kicker? Our brains like our old mental habits. They are comfortable, do not require much effort, and might have even been useful at one point.  These old subconscious neurological connections formed by repetition over time, act like a default setting which nudges us in the direction of doing what we have always done. So, how do you actually do that?

Number 1: Let’s get this out of the way up front – CHANGING AN OLD MENTAL HABIT IS NOT EASY. There is no quick fix.  THIS IS going to take focused effort on your part. But if you have read this far, we know that you are tired of your same old ineffective way of doing things.  And guess what?  You can do hard things AND we have strategies to share that will make it easier.

Number 2: You CAN ABSOLUTELY CHANGE old mental habits and create new ways of operating that move you forward.   We have developed five actionable steps, adapted from the latest research on implicit bias*. Take these one at a time.

Let’s UNPACK it

Step 1: Detect – notice when the old mental habit arises with curiosity and without judgement

What was the idea?

What environmental elements were in play?

Time of day?

Physical location?

Who was involved?

Was I hungry? Tired?

What was going on when this old mental habit came to mind?

Step 2: Reflect – consider the source of this idea

What assumption am I making?

Is it true?

How can I test this assumption?

How could this assumption have been formed?

Is there a pattern here?

Step 3: Reject –  Reject the thought and replace it with one that is useful

What new thought would serve me here?

What is a new thought is more accurate and based on facts not assumptions?

Step 4: Reward – Rewarding positive new behaviors strengthens their neurological connections.

What is an encouraging phrase that can tell your brain “Good Job!”

What else would work as a reward to strengthen this behavior?

Step 5: Repeat – for 21 days.  It takes approximately 21 days to install a new habit.  Three weeks

What strategy can I put in place to remember to do this?

You can do it!

And If you are tired of riding the “set a goal/fall off track” carousel, and would like support to speed up the process of achieving your important goals, please contact. We are here to help.

*https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3603687

The post Want To Stop Sabotaging Your Success? Here Are Five Steps That Work appeared first on DKS Consulting Group.

One employee’s toxic behavior can affect the performance of an entire team.  Recent research on team effectiveness has found that the single most important factor influencing high performing teams and the lowest performing teams is the quality of colleague relationships. If relationships on the team are strong, supportive and collaborative, you will more likely have high performing teams.  If one or more people on the team is behaving in toxic ways, you will more likely have a lower performing team.

And if you are the one responsible for managing one or more of these employees who are behaving badly, it can be incredibly frustrating.

Let’s back up a minute and define what we mean by toxic.  Here are some telltale behaviors:

They create drama, gossiping, starting rumors or back stabbing team members.

They hoard information, preventing other team members from executing.

They blame others when problems emerge, often exploding in temper tantrums.

They put their personal goals ahead of the team goals.

They take credit for work that others have done.

If you are managing an employee who is frequently displaying these types of behaviors you MUST do this thing first – Acknowledge that this is happening.

The most frequent mistake that we see managers make is that they ignore toxic behavior and assume that it is a temporary situation that will go away.  The opposite is true.  What actually happens is that the team member’s toxic behavior infects others and eventually tears apart the cohesion of the entire team.

Once you acknowledge that this is happening, the second step is to have an honest conversation about what behavior is expected on the team, what behavior will not be tolerated and what the consequences will be if it continues.  Often times, we are called in to help facilitate this conversation and then to work with the employees individually or in small groups.  More often than not, the badly behaving team member is critical to the functioning of the team, and cannot be easily replaced or fired.  We work with these individuals so that they can learn to turn their behavior around and function in ways that benefits the whole team.

If you are looking to do a deeper dive into the research on toxic behavior and teams, check out

The Loyalist Team: How Trust, Candor, and Authenticity Create Great Organizations by Audrey Epstein, Linda Adams, and Rebecca Teasdale.

The post Toxic Behavior Destroying Your Team? Do This First appeared first on DKS Consulting Group.

Research now shows what we intuitively know to be true – that effective management is closely related to emotional intelligence (EQ). In fact, when one researcher evaluated the emotional intelligence of hundreds of people at work, he found that 90% of the top performers rated high in emotional intelligence.

Emotionally intelligent leadership has been shown to reduce turnover, create more effective work teams, improve organizational culture, foster creative problem solving and even help employees accept change.

And the best news is, that managers can improve their EQ by putting into practice some simple strategies that we share with all our executive coaching clients.

But let’s take a step back for a moment.

What exactly is Emotional Intelligence?

According to Peter Salovey from Yale University and John D. Mayer from the University of New Hampshire, EQ is the “ability to monitor one’s own and others’ feelings and emotions, to discriminate among them and use this information to guide one’s thinking and actions”.

Specifically, people with a high EQ are able to defer immediate gratification and exhibit self-control in order to improve their chances for long term success,
participate in activities that are good for themselves and serve a greater good of the team or organization, express their emotions appropriately, and adjust to each situation.

Here are some simple strategies to help your managers boost their emotional intelligence at work:

Look For The Positive –

This is probably the most important strategy for improving EQ. Human beings are naturally wired to look for the negative, scan for what is missing, and focus on what is wrong. The problem is this type of thinking can limit our ability to connect with people and motivate team members. We encourage managers to get into the habit of noticing the positive and using positive language when interacting with their team members. This mental shift can be strengthened with practice and can have an enormous impact on the manager’s effectiveness.

Consider another Explanation-

When managers with low EQ, get into a conflict, they often blame the other person for being difficult. Instead, we teach them to pause and ask themselves, “Is there another explanation for this conflict?” This strategy does two things. It unlocks their mind from the black and white “me vs. them” position and it opens the door to thinking about other reasons why the conflict exists. Asking “Is there another explanation?” is an effective EQ strategy that managers can learn quickly, and see immediate results.

Develop a Gratitude Attitude –

The ability to tell someone that you appreciate their contribution is a critical EQ skill for all managers. We help managers develop an “Attitude of Gratitude” habit by encouraging them to say “Thank You for doing such a great job” at least 5 times a day. This simple behavioral shift can engage employees in ways that other rewards cannot. Social recognition is a currency that all managers have access to, but we have found that only the managers with a high EQ truly take advantage of this valuable motivational strategy.

Your managers CAN increase their emotional intelligence and in turn create a positive work environment where people thrive, perform, and like coming to work each day.

The post Help Your Managers Develop Their EQ to Create More Effective Teams appeared first on DKS Consulting Group.

To many of us, what is most shocking about the recent events involving Matt Lauer, Charlie Rose, Kevin Spacey, Harvey Weinstein, Bill Reilly is not the pervasive sexual harassment that has occurred for years and been ignored. But rather the abrupt shift in perception that this behavior is unacceptable, inappropriate and will not be tolerated in the workplace. That the most powerful people in their industries will be held accountable- even fired- for sexual harassment and sexual assault. So, how do you as business leaders respond to this new climate of accountability? ​

We think there is a lot to learn from our time spent in Kindergarten.

My kindergarten teacher, Mrs. Winning (yes that was her real name) was a white headed little peach of a woman who smelled like Ponds Cold Cream and could belt out a rousing rendition of “I’ve Been Working On The Railroad”. She also ran a very tight ship. What I remember most about this experience is that I felt safe, part of a nice group of kids, and excited to learn.

Kindergarten classroom rules and culture can be applied to your organization to foster a safe and respectful workplace environment where sexual harassment is not tolerated.

1) Keep Your Hands To Yourself – (and your penis in your pants)

Mrs. Winning had clear rules and everyone was expected to know and follow them. Kindergarten teachers spend most of September teaching their students the rules. “Line up against the wall without pushing before going out to recess”, “Ask permission before you take something that doesn’t belong to you”, and “keep your hands to yourselves”. These rules were clearly stated and repeated over and over and over so that everyone understood what was expected in the classroom.

Often times, rules of behavior in the workplace are not stated clearly and organizations can run into trouble. The difference between sexual harassment and “just being friendly” might be confusing to some, so clearly stated rules of behavior and sexual harassment trainings can help. For example, some excellent rules for the workplace include “no touching another person’s body”, ”no sharing photos of your genitals”, “no comments about anyone’s bodies”, “no questions about people’s sex lives.” It will take repetition, but keep at it. And here is really good news. If 5 year olds can learn to keep their hands to themselves, so can your people.

2) Stickers and The Time Out Chair

Mrs. Winning had clear consequences if you broke the rules and clear rewards if you followed them. I once spent an entire recess in the Time Out Chair because I pushed Jenny out of the way of my block tower. I also remember getting stickers for helping to clean the desks and sharing my snack.

As leaders, you need to hold people accountable with immediate consequences when they break the rules and recognize them for doing well. Most organizations do a good job defining the rules. but they fail to consistently hold people accountable. This results in a corrosive and chaotic workplace culture where rules do not hold any weight.

3) Be Respectful to Everyone

Our kindergarten classroom was a kind community where people respected one another. “Be Respectful” was non-negotiable rule, and Mrs. Winning enforced it with vigor. What is amazing is that we began kindergarten pushing, grabbing, and yelling, and by October, she had us raising our hand, using our words, and waiting our turn. There were strict rules of conduct, and we adored her.

As leaders in your company, you can decide to create a positive place where people behave in civil respectful ways. But it takes an intentional commitment on your part and requires consistent effort. One step you can take immediately is require sexual harassment training for all of your employees. Training is an essential way for your employees to learn the expectations, rules, and consequences in your company. It is not enough for you to be good guy or gal and respectful toward your colleagues. As a business leader, it is your responsibility to create a culture where all employees feel safe.

Contact DKS partner Karen Hoffman, J.D. (karen@dksconsultingroup.com) to learn more about DKS workplace trainings, sexual harassment investigations, and MCAD and EEOC procedures.

The post Keep It In Your Pants and Your Hands to Yourself: Advice From Your Kindergarten Teacher on Creating a Respectful, Zero Tolerance Workplace Culture appeared first on DKS Consulting Group.

In the new holiday movie Office Christmas Party, a hard partying manager of an office branch about to be closed joins with his Chief Technical Officer to throw an epic holiday party.  Hilarity ensues, and the entire office and all of it’s occupants get trashed.  In real life, things rarely if ever get that far out of hand, but before you go, it’s worth thinking about what the annual holiday party is and what it really isn’t. 

The annual holiday party is pitched as a fun event to get together, celebrate the holidays and the years accomplishments, and let off a little steam.  Depending on the size of your company, and budget, it may be a hotel ballroom, a restaurant in the city, at the CEO’s home, or simply in the office after work.  Many people in the company, the extraverts among them, look forward to the party, but others, often the introverts in the group, approach it with dread.  And many people wake up the next morning feeling hung over and regretting what they said and who they ended up with.  

Here’s what you need to keep in mind to get through the evening unscathed.  No matter how relaxed your office culture feels, how close you are with your coworkers and bosses, or where the party takes place, the most important thing to keep in mind is that the office holiday party is still “WORK”.  What you say and what you do will have consequences the next day, so tailor your behavior accordingly.  Dress in business appropriate attire.  Yes, you can be festive, but think dinner party, not dance club!  And although the bar may be open, pay careful attention to how much you drink.  For most people one or two drinks is the maximum for the evening.  Stay sober.  This is a great opportunity to get to know a different side of your colleagues (Wow! Jen does amazing karaoke! Dave is an awesome drummer!), but make sure the new side of yourself you are sharing is one you want to be remembered for.

Your holiday party can be a genuinely nice place to enjoy your coworkers in a relaxed atmosphere, and to meet new people if you work in a larger company.   It’s a great opportunity to network, so keep track of who you want to get to know better, and follow up with an email the next day to set up a coffee or lunch.  But that’s as far as this should go.  The holiday party is not the time for a hookup, with a coworker, and especially not with a manager.  Of course office romances and relationships develop all the time, and holiday hookups look like a lot of fun in the movies, but in real life holiday party hookups most often lead to next morning regrets, and sometimes cost people their jobs.

So feel free to let loose with your family and friends over the holidays, but at the office holiday party, remember to stay professional with coworkers, no matter how the party is described.

The post The Office Holiday Party: Our Best Advice For Avoiding That “Morning After Regret” appeared first on DKS Consulting Group.

There is a quiet revolution going on in the management ranks.

Introverted leaders are finally getting the attention they deserve because of qualities like their ability to listen deeply and carefully, their calming presence amidst chaos or their capacity to think before acting.  Still, some myths about this personality type have deep roots in a work culture that venerates a charismatic, outgoing, and assertive leadership style.

It’s important to separate fact from fiction.  Personality is much more complex and interesting than the black and white extremes on a continuum.  Not all introverts avoid being around people and not all extraverts are super friendly.  There is much more to it, especially when we are talking about the strengths of different personality types and how this translates into effectively managing people.

Myth 1:  Introverts make terrible public speakers.

This is just flat out wrong.

We only need to look to the world of politics to see shining examples of introverted oratory brilliance. Eleanor Roosevelt, a famously introverted first lady averaged over 150 yearly public speaking engagements, with each speech more engaging than the next.  Abraham Lincoln was famously introverted and his Gettysburg Address is widely considered one of the top 10 speeches of all time.  An introvert’s ability to prepare and focus can give them a natural edge when it comes to public speaking. Also introverts tend to be sensitive to other people, and can tune into the audience to deliver an impactful speech.

Myth 2:  Introverts do not like being around people.

It is not about whether you like people or not, it is about energy.

One way to distinguish whether you fall on the introverted or the extroverted side of the continuum is to ask yourself “What gives me energy?”  If you frequently feel energized by social situations, networking opportunities, and large conferences then you are more likely extroverted.  If you frequently recharge by spending time alone, then you are more likely to be introverted.  This does not mean that introverts do not like people. In fact, introverts tend to have deep, satisfying and lasting friendships but with a small, select group.  Being an introvert simply means that social situations can be draining and that you need periods of time alone to recharge your battery.

Myth 3: Introverts have poor social skills.

This is a really harmful myth and the reality is that introverts just prefer deeper interactions rather than casual chit chat. If you are an introvert at a large gathering you may be the type to take someone aside to a quieter place to have a meaningful conversation.  Extroverts may be better at making small talk, but introverts are great listeners and are truly interested in what others have to say. In fact, introverts can make surprisingly good salespeople because they are adept at listening to the needs of the customer.

We believe in embracing who you truly are – whether you are more of an introvert or more of an extrovert – and bringing those strengths to the workplace.  We thrive when we own who we are and encourage others in our organization to do the same.

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Ryan is one of those clients that has a lot going for him. 

Ivy league undergrad degree in engineering, post-grad fellowship, Warton MBA, then 5 years of dedicated hard work in a consulting firm. He is well regarded and moving up in his firm. But, on his 30th birthday, Ryan decided that he wanted leave his firm with the goal of working with a group of innovative and cutting edge entrepreneurs.  And for the next 6 months, he applied, interviewed and got rejected from several jobs. 

Frustrated, dejected and a little confused, Ryan hired us to help him land this new opportunity.

Ryan has many outstanding skills and strengths but needed some coaching to help him focus his search and revise his resume and narrative so that they lined up more clearly with the positions he was targeting. More importantly, Ryan needed help articulating his skills and strengths more clearly in an interview and building relationships.

Building relationships is a subtle skill that comes naturally to some people. 

We all know the type.  Those warm, gregarious folks who remember your name (and your dog’s birthday) even if you were introduced over a year ago. They instinctively know how to thank the scheduler after a meeting or just the right time to ping a contact. But for many of us, relationship building is not only uncomfortable but very difficult.  It is actually a skill that takes time, effort and practice to develop and can make all the difference when searching for a job.

We worked with Ryan to strengthen his relationship building skills.

And this week it paid off.  Two months back, he had successfully made it through 3 rounds of interviews at a well-funded start-up but lost to an internal candidate.  However, Ryan responded to the rejection in a nice professional manner, and kept in touch with the hiring manager. He continued to build a relationship that he initially formed during the interview process.

Two days ago, the hiring manager called Ryan to tell him that they created another position that was a better fit for his skills and expertise. It had the same title and salary and they wanted him to take it.  And this is honest truth – yesterday another company where he had a strong interview but didn’t get the job, reached out to him to see if he would be interested in a new position at the company- again a better fit for his skills.

So Ryan did two things really well that really paid off. He clearly articulated his expertise to the hiring managers and he created relationships. Not only did the hiring managers remember him, but they also wanted to work with him!  

Don’t let a rejection stop you from building a relationship.

Here are our best tips for turning a rejection into a job offer:

1. When you walk into an interview, you are there to do two things – You are there to make sure they know what skills and experience you bring to the table,  AND  you are there to build a relationship with the interviewer.
2. After the interview, keep the relationship “warm”.  Send a note with no agenda. For example – Send notes of congratulations on their company’s accomplishments or if you notice on Linkedin, a personal accomplishment.
3. If you are rejected, try not to take it personally. There are a thousand reasons a company chooses someone else. Instead, focus on what you have gained– a personal contact in the company. Respond via email to the interviewer or HR contact. Thank them for the opportunity to interview for the position. Reiterate your interest in the company and that you hope they will keep you in mind for other positions.  
4. Keep on top of new jobs posted on their site and let them know immediately if you are interested in applying. Talk about additional skills you have developed and include an updated resume.                                                                                             

 Your goal is to have them remember you and your skills!

When you walk into that next interview, remember to make a personal connection.  The interviewer may say you are not right for this job, but you COULD be right for their company.

The post How He Turned Rejection Into A Great Job Offer appeared first on DKS Consulting Group.

If you have followed the steps we’ve written about so far – outlining your accomplishments and value to the company,  figuring out exactly what you want, and lining up your allies, then it’s time to negotiate for your salary increase.

 To land a significant raise, and our clients do, we strongly believe in three things:  Preparation, Presence, and Practice.

Preparation

If you can anticipate the ways in which your argument for a raise will be challenged, then you can be prepared with answers.

Here are three typical challenges that you may face during a salary negotiation:

Challenge 1 – “We don’t have it in the budget.” Often that is a sentence to stop you in your tracks. So you need to continue the conversation by  saying, “Here is what I am looking for, what is the best that you can do?”  Ask them to make you a counter offer and Never bid against yourself. That means if you have asked for $10,000, and they say no, don’t come back and ask for $8,000.  Insist that they make you an offer.  If they dig their heels and tell you that nobody is getting raises this year, then be prepared with the other things that you are looking for.

Challenge 2 – “I want you to have this but I’ll never get it through HR”. The person you are negotiating with may not have the authority.   Ask them, “I know that this is challenging, what do you think we can do about this?” Your strategy is to get your boss aligned with you and to advocate on your behalf.  Make this a problem to be solved rather than a roadblock.

Challenge 3 – “I can’t give you this because I can’t give it to the others.”  The strategy here is to use evidence (spreadsheets, charts, powerpoint)  to make a case for your value that goes above and beyond your current compensation level.  Perhaps you should be slotted into a new compensation level and there may be an opportunity for a bonus at the time of your promotion.  And if you cannot be compensated in money, suggest other ways that you can be compensated. 

Presence –

Work on cultivating a self-confident presence.  Not feeling so confident?  Here is our advice. Review the evidence – why do you deserve this salary increase? List all all the reasons that you deserve this raise and notice how you mindset begins to shift. 

Next? Review your skills and strengths – What unique skills and strengths do you bring to the table that are invaluable to your organization’s goals?  One great tip to increase your confidence is to work with someone to help you to uncover more of your skills and strengths.  This is a critical step during our executive coaching process but you can also do this with a close friend as well. 

And one final bit of advice on presence.  Sometimes pretending you have confidence, can lead you to feeling confident.  This trick of “Fake it till you make it”  is a good one because it works.  You might surprise yourself with a feeling of confidence that you didn’t realize you had.

Practice –

There is no substitution for this step.  When we work with our clients, we spend a lot of time thinking through challenges, coming up with responses that feel authentic, then practicing those responses over and over.  Just like learning to play an instrument or a sport, negotiating is skill that has to be practiced to be learned.  And this skill that can be developed and strengthened with practice. Practice alone.  Practice with a friend. Practice until you are confident that you have done all you possibly can to prepare for this salary negotiation.

 We’ve given you our best advice, now go for it!  We think you will be pleased with the results.

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